We often feel the intensity of struggle when we look at some aspect of our life which is just not at the point we think or want it to be, I mean it isn’t a disaster, but it isn’t successful either.
Just recently I hit another roadblock, some aspect of life yet again felt like a struggle. Things not going to plan, things not moving, things just not going my way, things ending and more. If only early on someone had listened to what I wanted, or a different decision had been made, perhaps then I would be successful at this by now.
I had that secret belief that I was somehow special, I certainly had worked hard enough, I had gifts of insight and I believed in myself (most of the time) all of which should make success a certainty, right?
Fast forward to later that evening, I went along to an introductory numerology class. The class was focused on the meaning of numbers and mapping life paths based on birth dates. Some of the life path numbers were great, I mean who wouldn’t want to be a 3, the Joy Giver. But mine being a 5 was ok too, freedom and change. Its just that that was when things went from ok to downhill fast – when my numbers were mapped.
I don’t know if you know anything about numerology, but when the teacher mapped my five 1s and 2 isolated numbers, I thought this is great, I mean five 1s sounds special doesn’t it. After all 1s are Pioneers… Its just that having 5 of them is actually far from special, the look on the teachers face told me that. In fact, I quote from the internet “these people often have so many problems with relationships and inner uncertainty that they tend to retreat from their surroundings”. A bad base to come from when you’ve been thinking about success.
At this point I think the whole class felt sorry for me, none more so than myself. The teacher was great she reminded us that we choose our numbers, the vibration of which we work with throughout our lifetime. Now while this and my faith enabled me to understand that how I am and how I behave is just an experience of those number frequencies, but finding out that destiny from your very day of birth comes with struggle, meant that faith just wasn’t quite enough.
Fast forward again, to the next morning and I have to admit things still didn’t sit right. The combined disappointment of not only feeling stuck but also now the knowledge that I am working with a ‘not so special’, actually no lets be honest, ‘a pretty difficult to stomach’ birth number combination, was hurting. So I meditated on it. I figured it was time to get past the idea that I was special and things have to be a certain way to validate that. I had to get past the struggle that things weren’t working the way I wanted.
Meditation for me is going deep within myself and letting myself be guided on a visual journey. So in my meditation that morning, my hopes appeared as a green gemstone for which I was the guardian. The gemstone represented the part of me that relied on validation, the need to feel special, the belief that things needed to be a certain way.
So I took the gemstone and put it in a box alongside all of the other gemstones representing all of the other dreams from the past that hadn’t worked. I sat with the box for a while letting the sadness come and go and then finally subside, then I closed the lid and walked away.
Life has a wonderful way of bringing together intense events resulting in such force of feeling that we have no choice but to sit, wait and feel the intensity until it subsides, ultimately bringing to light the real gemstone we seek – clarity…
I had a day recently where I forgot to send my daughter’s recorder with her to school, was the victim of road rage thankfully within the confines of my car and his car, couldn’t provide the report my boss wanted at work, threw away most of the school lunches which the kids had refused to eat and had a visit from a friend who told me I was obsessing too much over something and it was getting boring.So all in all it was a normal day, but a day full of criticism. If I wasn’t criticising myself, someone else was stepping in and doing it for me.
So what do I do with all this criticism, how much does the constant bombardment of “you are doing the wrong thing” become the “you are not good enough”. I mean really I could have paid more attention to the road while I was driving. Does this mean I am a bad mother, driver, employee, cook and friend?… am I likely to have a road accident before long, not be able to hold down a relationship, soon be looking on SEEK for my next career move?
Well constructively taken, yes I could definitely tweak some of those areas.
HOWEVER, how constructively we take that criticism depends on the value we attribute to our sense of self worth. Isn’t it strange how well we take criticism in some areas of our lives and how badly we take it in others. If we have the sense that “I am not worthy” then criticism is going to fuel the poor me or defensiveness and anger at the least and at the worst, lead to unrealistically high standards and the criticism of others to help us feel better about ourselves.
So herein lies the SECRET, where you cannot take criticism, whether it be aggressive or a passing comment from a friend (who is now an annoying friend!) or you find yourself criticising others, is where you need to focus. What is wrong with your sense of self worth if it cannot sustain a little criticism or why do you feel the need to be on higher moral ground.
You have squirmed over a comment or made an angry retort. Be honest with yourself and admit whether there is some truth in the comment or whether your criticism is valid. If you have got to this point and are asking the question then you already know the answer…
Yes there may be a little truth in it but why do I feel so uncomfortable, why are my defences up and claws out. If someone criticises me or I am being critical then just perhaps I will have to admit to myself that Houston there is a problem…
What we need here is: PERSPECTIVE! Chances are you were criticised or humiliated some time in your life and therefore learned that you were not good enough at that thing that someone is picking on you or you are picking on someone, for now. OR ARE YOU?
Do you in fact do a reasonable job at the subject in question, do you 90% of the time send the kids to school with the 101 things they need to complete a single day of learning (including a well thought out, healthy lunch), drive on the correct side of the road and generally follow the road rules, provide your boss with what they need most of the time to get the job done and listen to your friend tell you about the 101 issues in her life.
And if you don’t, then be honest with yourself and do something about it.
The crux of the matter here is:
Don’t decide you are not good enough because someone else made you feel that way. Don’t base decisions on passing emotions.
Get perspective, know your qualities, value yourself on who you are and what you have achieved.
Release the emotion and then make a mature judgement, take the criticism move it around in your head for a bit, do you need to tweak something here, improve something there. So learn/improve away… but do not define yourself or your self worth on someone else’s opinion (especially as that person is very likely to need to take their own criticism) think again – YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE.
: google’s definition: The value equivalent to that of someone or something under consideration; the level at which someone or something deserves to be valued…
And last but not least for those who know they do it
Don’t Criticise – GUIDE