Tag Archives: Love

8 July 2013 – Love is an Inside Job

So what does it mean to love yourself, don’t you just cringe when someone says “its different for everyone”.  Well, sorry but it is – different for everyone… (I can see your face twitch!)

HeartGenerally though, for the most part, you can sum up loving yourself as treating yourself with love and respect and all of the other bits and treasures fall in under that…

Certainly nurturing yourself is one way you can show yourself the love.  With this in mind, a gorgeous fellow healer (Vanessa Millar – learn.grow.heal) and I decided to host an afternoon menagerie of nurturing and healing treatments for a group of Perth ladies’ bodies, minds and spirits.  Certainly Vanessa’s sensational raw caramel slice was a treat for my body.

And I got a treat for my mind too, with one of the most important aspects of self love for me, being those little break throughs, those moments of epiphany when you recognise a limitation that you have expertly arranged into your life but one that actually doesn’t do you any favours and in hosting this event I had one of those epiphanies.  Through working with someone whose approach was so very different to mine I saw qualities in her that I realised were missing in my life.  So, while for all those who attended I hope it was a success, the day was an extra special one for me.

Nurturing yourself can be such fun, why wouldn’t you want to do it more often…

AND I also got to share my favourite poem which I leave you with now.  Who would have thought that when you finally got words from Charlie Chaplin, they would be such pearls of wisdom xxx

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
as I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time
was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this
person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens
at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm.
Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in
my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew
me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude
a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since
I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying
about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING
is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my
mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this
connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing
new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

 

26 June 2013 – Eleven Minutes

Eleven Minutes, one of my favourite Paulo Coelho books, in fact one of my favourite books of all time, is a wonderful story that teaches about love and the freedom that love can bring (and a little about prostitution).  The story follows a young, beautiful Brazilian girl who dreams of being rescued by her Prince Charming who will one day sweep her off her feet so they can conquer the world together.   Inevitably, she falls in love a lot and is hurt a lot as she dreams of something bigger than living her life in her home town.

At age 19, her real life adventure begins with a trip to Rio di Janeiro and soon she finds herself in Switzerland dancing Samba in a nightclub in Geneva.  One thing leads to another and with a hardened heart and a determination never to be caught out again by love, she finds herself doing a different kind of dance – prostitution.Stockings

Over the months she keeps a diary. She has time to read, to think and despite being alone her words on finding freedom from love are full of understanding:

‘If I were to tell someone about my life today, I would do it in a way that would make them think me a brave, happy, independent woman.  Rubbish I am not even allowed to mention the only word that is more important than eleven minutes.’

(you will have to read the story to understand what 11 mins means).

‘All my life I have thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement.  Well that’s a lie, freedom only exists when love is present.  The person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly…’

After about 9 months Maria decides to leave Switzerland with all the money she has made and buy a little farm back in Brazil.  On my first read, I was worried at this point that the story may not go well.  If Maria returned to Brazil and the farm did not go according to plan there was always the chance that she would return to what she knew and by now as I was in love with the character of Maria and wanted that cycle to be broken!

However, once she made that decision, she invariably meets a man, an artist called Ralf.  Then comes the crazy, lovely, scary, transformational journey of getting to know him.  On their first night in each other’s company Maria decides to exchange gifts as a symbol, a gesture of giving up a part of herself.  She gives Ralph a pen:

“This is for you.  I bought it so that I could note down some ideas about farm management.  I used it for two days, I worked until I was too tired to work any more.  It contains some of my sweat, some of my concentration and my willpower and I’m giving it to you now.”

It was a beautiful gesture, however it was Ralph’s gift that intrigued me:

“This is a carriage belonging to an electric train set I had when I was a child.  I wasn’t allowed to play with it on my own, because my father said it had been imported from the United States and was very expensive.  So I had to wait until he felt like setting up the train in the living room, but he spent most Sundays listening to opera.  That’s why the train survived my childhood, but never gave me any happiness.”  

In giving Maria his gift of the carriage, Ralf not only gives up part of himself but also part of his past.  Until now Ralf has held on to this part of his childhood, a part that had defined love for him, even though it never gave him happiness.  By giving it up as an expression of himself in a gift to Maria, Ralf had also freed himself of his bonds to the past.  He found freedom in love.

This made me stop and think of my own love life.  I wondered what gift I might give if a new, important man came into my life, a gift that may also free me from my past.  I knew instantly what it would be. I would give him a tutu.

As a child I so desperately wanted to be accepted for who I was and what I could do, rather than what I couldn’t and who I wasn’t.  The image I have of my inner child is a little girl wearing a pink tutu and trying so hard to do a cute song and dance for those who would not watch, those who would not listen.

I realised that like Ralf, my past had defined love for me and this need for acceptance meant that I would find and grab onto someone who was interested in me and I interested in him so that I could then be part of a broader picture. I was acceptable, I was part of a couple, there was nothing wrong with me, someone liked my dance and that fulfilled my need…

But was my unconscious need tended to properly?  Was I really being accepted for who I was? My respectable relationships meant I was the norm in society, but did this part fulfilment cloud the fact that what I really needed was to be loved for just being me?  My relationships inevitably turned into a combination of power plays, control struggles and jealousy and that says it all.

So when I decide to whom I will give my love gift, my tutu (hope he has a good imagination), I will do so with a full understanding of why I choose to give away this part of myself.  I will no longer need to dance, my bonds to the past will be broken and I will be free to love wholeheartedly…  just like Maria said:

‘ ‘Freedom exists when love is present.  The person who feels freest, is the person who loves most wholeheartedly…’