Tag Archives: Fear

The fear lyrics

Lily Allen, like the rest of us has her demons. I can’t say she has always shown exemplary behaviour, but she is a woman who has something to say within her songs and for that I APPLAUD her.

My favourite Lily song is below, tell me you haven’t resonated with at least some part of these lyrics at some time or another – go Lily…

I want to be rich and I want lots of money I don’t care  about clever, I don’t care about funny. I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds I heard people die while they’re trying to find them.

And I’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless ’cause  everyone knows that’s how you get famous. I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look  in the mirror I’m on the right track, yeah I’m on to a winner.

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear? ‘Cause I’m being taken over by the Fear.

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers. It’s all about fast cars and cussing each other. But it doesn’t matter ’cause I’m  packing plastic and that’s what makes my life so fucking fantastic.

And I am a weapon of massive consumption and it’s not my  fault, it’s how I’m programmed to function. I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look  in the mirror I’m on the right track, yeah we’re on to a winner.

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear? ‘Cause I’m being taken over by the Fear.

Forget about guns and forget ammunition ’cause I’m killing  ’em all on my own little mission. Now I’m not a saint and I’m not a sinner but everything’s cool as long as I’m getting thinner.

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore. When do you think it will all become clear? ‘Cause I’m being taken over by the Fear.

 

9 October 2013 – Life Favours the Brave

Tell me have you ever thought about what it is to have courage or to be brave ‘in life’?

A man wrestling a crocodile to save his dog – is brave, the US teacher who put herself in front of her class when the school was being attacked by a gunman – was brave.  Bravery is easy to recognise in one off events of pure courage, however being brave or having courage in life, though slightly different, is just as significant.

Being brave or having courage in life means something different for everyone, it really depends on what you fear.  I fear public speaking – the mere thought of having to speak in front of an audience about myself, what I do, who I am or even how nutrients affect the life cycle of seagrass :) makes my hands perspire, my heart beat like an African drum and my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth so any intelligent sounds heard in the near vicinity are certainly not coming from me.  It doesn’t matter how I think of the audience – as being naked or a patch of cabbages – I need a brown paper bag just thinking about speaking to any more than 5 people at any one time (slight exaggeration but I am sure you get my point).  And forget the questions – that is absolutely the end!!

I know I am not alone, even the most “seemingly” confident people feel distressed when faced with an impending threat, a threat that is personal, can be real or imagined, is frequently well hidden and often battled alone.  My friend at work loves public speaking – she looks confused when I tell her of my dread when I need to give an address in the boardroom, she knows she has a story to tell and sees no difficulty in telling it BUT the mere thought of failure, of her getting something wrong, in any way shape or form sends her body into panic and her mind into a spin.

So when we face our own personal fears, for me attempting public speaking, for my friend, admitting she is wrong or has made a mistake, that is being brave in life, it is facing the fear, FEELING IT, taking a deep breath and then doing ‘whatever it is’, ANYWAY.

Makes sense, but why bother, I hear you ask.  We all know what it is to feel fear, we have all felt it at one time or another, but there aren’t too many of us (except the odd base jumper) who like it enough to want to go there.  So why then should we put ourselves in distressing situations just so we conquer, or at least temper our fears?  Why can’t we just behave in the way inherent to human nature when faced with a situation that makes us feel discomfort and avoid, duck, dodge and weave…

In reality, for the most part, we can very easily survive and do whatever it takes to avoid our fears leading an average, comfortable life doing a job because it pays our wage once a month so we can play on the weekends, consider anyone who rubs us up the wrong way as them having the problem not us, staying in relationships because it’s easier that way or staying single because it is too much work to put ourselves out there.

I actually do think it is ok to avoid suffering, I don’t believe that we should think of life as being hard, or that we should make life hard for ourselves, I see this as pointless.  I don’t believe in self punishment or that anything was ever achieved by the monks whipping themselves.  But what I do believe, is that limiting ourselves in life is making life hard and that it is a form of self punishment…

Lets go back to my example of public speaking.  It is my dream to develop Left of Centre Therapies into a full time business, inspiring others to embark on the journey of healing and to be able to live juicy lives unlimited by negative perception or past experience.  This is fine, the therapy sessions are one on one but there is going to be a time (actually right now) where I need to nail telling my story to groups of people so I can inspire them to join the healing journey too.  I want to expand, get bigger, tell my story some more, be more and not be limited simply because I suck at presenting myself publically.

In fact I am absolutely sure that anyone following their dreams, will be presented with uncomfortable situations and at those very points in time they will need to make a choice, face them or risk restricting growth.

Put in a more visual way, I stood overlooking a very, wild and stormy ocean the other day and noticedStormy sea just a couple of rays of sun poking through the grey sky onto the waves – the word that sprang to mind was bravery – no I don’t mean that I was brave being down at the ocean in the middle of a storm, but that bravery was depicted by the sun’s rays shining on a little patch of ocean, illuminating it, filling it with warmth and light, while the surrounding sea remained dark.  When we are brave, when we face our fears, we light up an area of our life that has been previously kept in the dark and give it a chance to be filled with warmth and light.  When we are brave we light up our lives while others around us remain in the dark – and life favours the brave.

Having the courage to open up and shed light on our fears, is to realise that while they may never totally disappear, we can be the master of things that are trying to enslave us.

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So make a start – look at problems as opportunities, I have an opportunity now to get some help with my fear through attending a public speaking course.  Its exciting and confidence building to think I may in time be able to handle situations that I would, at the moment, shy away from as well as the chance of meeting and learning from people who are in the same situation as me.

Share your dreams and visions with others and learn to admit your fears too, showing vulnerability is both therapeutic (except in the case of the man wrestling the crocodile), and relationship building.  Open communication enables you to attract like minded people and a chance to learn from their experiences and their coping mechanisms too.

Hang out with others around you who lead courageous lives, see these people as your “courage people”, spend time with them to help inspire you to get through the rough patches and not give up.

Aspire to BE and believe in yourself as part of your own ‘bigger picture’ destiny.  Having aspiration helps to fuel perseverance, persistence and determination.

Ignore any flak you may get in your journey, accept that some people will try to influence you, and many will not understand you.   Never compromise yourself by trying to influence these people or force your ideas onto them.  Stand on your own if you have to.

And finally, in these days of the internet and facebook there is never ending stream of advice and motivational quotes, so notice those which speak of bravery and be inspired…

Winston S. Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Nelson Mandela: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Ambrose Redmoon: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

“The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all”

18 June 2013 – Anxiety – How the Monkey Helped

Monkey LOC TherapiesMost of us feel anxious from time to time, in fact sometimes it feels as if we are anxious most of the time.  Whether it be because the planets are aligned in a certain way (I have to admit when I feel anxious I am an avid reader of my daily horoscope) or we just can’t shake those nasty feelings caused by something difficult that has happened, there are times when we struggle to cope with certain issues or maybe all issues in our lives in a calm, practical or even in our normal way.

Recently I had about a week of feeling continually anxious!  It was in response to a fear, an old fear that has kept coming up for me to deal with time and time again.  As it is a reoccurring fear, I have used all my favourite tried and tested techniques, I have done the work, I know the cause of my anxiety and where it comes from.  But as it is such a biggie each time I deal with it a residual, heightened, uncool energy feeling can remain for some time after the fearful situation has passed.

It left me wondering why I could not learn this lesson once and for all, why I could not get absolute clarity on how to handle the situation when it comes and let the fear go after it has gone, why it was taking a superhuman effort for me not fear the worst or to fly off the handle and go back to old angry retorts that get me nowhere???

I needed to regain some perspective, and so this time decided to try something a little different.  I had read about using the technique of psychic dreaming to get in touch with your inner psyche and decided to give it a go.  Now this technique is not for everyone and I am not going to necessarily recommend it here, but I had quite an experience with my dream and gained some perspective on fear in general, that I thought was worth sharing.

                       

DreamTo use the psychic dreaming technique, I cleared my mind first (well down to only 5 thoughts going through at once rather than 20), and went to sleep repeating the question:

How do I overcome my fear of…

And yes I had a dream and just like magic, I woke up afterward, in the middle of the night, to record it – no complaints on the technique so far, except that the dream was about being in a maths class at school :(.

So of course in the dream I couldn’t do the maths in class, I had no idea what was going on, I started to panic, nothing made sense.

I interpreted the maths class theme of my dream to mean that my fear really isn’t personal.  It doesn’t define me in any way, it doesn’t make me good, bad, different, tall, thin, fat, pretty, ugly – in fact I simply have a fear, a fear that many other people also experience.   So even if my anxiety is obvious to others from a waiver in my voice or a stutter over my words, all those people who have struggled with maths at one time or another, have felt the same.

Then when I left the maths class and went to another class, the fear feeling left and I seemed to just be able to work away as normal.

Right, so this meant that the fear is isolated to only one area of my life and unless I let it, it should only affect that one area.  I acknowledge that there are many, many amazing things happening in other areas of my life and I need not focus obsessively on that fear and the negativity.

The dream continued and the next day I was back in the maths class, with still no idea of what was going on, but the fear feeling was less, only very slightly, but it was less.

I took this to mean that each time the same situation is presented it is a chance for me to practice, to learn.  Each time the fear comes up, I get a little better at dealing with it and because I have seen it before, it will have slightly less impact.  This journey may be long, but I will gain knowledge, I will have experience to work with and as time goes on the lesson will get easier and easier.  It is amazing how much better I feel knowing that I am not a failure because I haven’t nailed this fear, I can stop pressuring myself and instead give myself a break – slowly, slowly catchy monkey – practice makes perfect – patience – love my scars.

And finally, and this is the best part – I saw a monkey statue on my maths desk (one that I have seen at a friend’s house) with its middle finger up.  Now this is clearly for the person to whom my fear is related… well actually if I was honest I was in the waking up stage at this point, but irrespective –

the next day I was happy again…