Tag Archives: courage

Life favours the Brave – part 2

Late last year I wrote a blog post on what it is to have courage in life.  Today I am excited to post a follow on from that story in the form of a speech that I will be presenting at a Toastmasters meeting very soon… it is personal, it is telling and its very exciting (well for me anyway…)

Life Favours the Courageous…Fiona Ferreira

Tonight it is my pleasure to speak with you about what it is to be courageous ‘in life’.  In fact I am being courageous in life right now.

Courage as defined by Wikipedia, is the ability and willingness to confront fear, pain, danger, etc and by Nelson Mandela as a choice, no-one is born with courage, it is the way that we choose to be.  So when we choose to confront fear we are being courageous in life.  The wonderful thing about confronting fear is that in return life favours the courageous.  To demonstrate this point, I will begin by looking at personal fear in general, at why we confront personal fears and then I will share with you my own personal experience of the rewards and opportunities that have been presented to me as I have faced a fear with courage.

So what is personal fear?  Well it really depends on you and what it is that you fear. As you all know by now one of my fears is public speaking – in the past the mere thought of having to speak in front of an audience about anything at all made my hands perspire, my heart beat like an African drum and my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth so any intelligent sounds heard in the near vicinity were certainly not coming from me.

Conversely I am sure Oprah Winfrey has never batted an eyelid about public speaking but I do know she has a fear of balloons, the sound of a bursting balloon reminds her of gunfire so the expectation of being in the vicinity of one that is going to pop sends her body into panic and her mind into a spin.

It is therefore when we face our own personal fears, for me attempting public speaking, for Oprah stepping into a studio where each member of the audience had a balloon on her 40th birthday and continuing to work through her show, is being courageous in life, it is facing a fear, FEELING IT, taking a deep breath and then doing ‘whatever it is’, ANYWAY.

Perhaps there is an area in your life that is marred by fear, perhaps you have a fear of heights so you keep your feet firmly on the ground while the rest of your family enjoys the beauty of the treetop walk in Walpole?  It certainly is inherent to human nature when faced with a situation that makes us feel discomfort or vulnerable to avoid, duck, dodge and weave.  So why bother being courageous ‘in life’?  We all know what it is to feel fear, I know that for many of you that is why you started the Toastmaster process.  So why did YOU bother?

Its because of the rewards of course.  While everyone will have their own personal reasons for facing their fears, we are all human, therefore there must be a reward in it for us somewhere.

We are rewarded when we work on our fears by shedding light into areas of our lives that have been previously kept in the dark.  We begin to master those things that have tried to enslave us and this not only gives us immense feelings of pride and success but we are also rewarded with opportunities for experiences we might not otherwise have had.

This was recently brought home in a speech that I listened to by Brene Brown on vulnerability, she described fear as standing on the edge of a swamp.  “You can stand on your side for ever, looking at the other side where it is safe, free, green etc . You can stand there on your own, or you can grab the hand of somebody and wade across.” And the opportunity to wade through the swamp being led by a supportive hand is exactly what joining this toastmasters group has been like for me.

I have found myself a member of your group of people with whom I would have not otherwise met.  A group of people who are individually so very different yet have one common goal, to improve themselves.  A group that works because of this so that ego is replaced with nurturing, competition replaced with endless support and encouragement.

I have had the opportunity to learn about positive communication and the reassurance of active listening.  I have learned a little about Canada, soccer in Africa, how to diffuse verbal criticism and of course zombies.  Each presenter has shown their personality in the delivery of their speeches making every single presentation interesting, different and diverse so that I have learned to view public presentations as forums not for criticism, but for simply the telling of a story.

And I have had the opportunity to spend time with others who lead courageous lives which has already inspired me to not give up.

It is apparent to me that the decision to face your fears with courage, is only the beginning of things…

making this choice is the same as diving into a strong current that will carry you to places you never dreamed of when the decision was first made and as such you will be favoured by life.

Failure, the other F word

FailureIt’s a Friday night, its been a hellova week, no month, no year – you have put excessive time and effort, not just physical but mental and emotional time and effort, into working on something that you want, think, believe will bring you the success that you want, think believe you need –  crunch time has arrived and you realise that you have F*&#%ing Failed.

After a deep breath you start the process of try telling yourself that “if you learn from defeat, then you have’t really lost” or that “everything happens for a reason”, but when you realise that you are not going to get that end result that you have manifested, dreamed of and obsessed over, there is the first F word with a shorter word to follow.

And this is because dealing with failure is not only one of the most necessary but also one of the hardest lessons that we as human beings, will ever have to learn…

And that is why failure is generally followed by the inevitable tantrum…

where you pick apart your failure with even more obsessive gusto than whatever it was that you were working on in the first place and then you start attacking your life too, you know its not just that thing that failed, it is everything else too – my relationships are not how I want them to be, my job is not how I want it to be, I never have enough money and I even can’t stand the people I do extreme ironing with (google it) …


Maybe this is coupled with floods of tears and results in a few broken things around the house or a few broken things in your body, headaches, shoulder tension, neck aches…  Because when you are in it, experiencing it, living it, none of the 500 quotes on failure on the Goodreads website are going to inspire you to think – alright then I think that this failure is a gift and I’m all good to go now… they may help, but failure, in most cases, takes time to get over.

To explain why, lets look at what failure means as per the trusty free dictionary online…

fail·ure n.

1. The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends.

2. One that fails.

3. The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short… and so on

The common denominator in all definitions is “EXPECTATION”.  In each case the falling short, the not achieving, the non performance all relates to not reaching an expected outcome.   And we all know what happens when we don’t meet expectations (ours or others), hey presto – it means that we are not good enough and as the guru of positive thinking, Louise Hay famously preaches – the fear of not being good enough is the fear that underpins all fears. 

SO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK if you threw that tantrum that you weren’t real proud of after experiencing a set back, apologise to anyone that may have experienced passing wind from some flying glass, apologise to yourself if you were the brunt of the negative banter and remember you are only human – and (for yet another quote):

It is not how you fall that matters, it is how you rise again…

But as we have identified that expectation is the common denominator of failure, what if we changed our perspective slightly on the expectation set in the first place, would this mean that next time we wouldn’t have to rise up again from such a low base?   Would changing or even losing the expectation of the end result lead to a little less pain associated with failure?


I see it like sitting a school exam.  Getting a good grade in an exam generally means that you can get your parents off your back and you can feel good about yourself because an A in science means that you are bright and have a bright future, there is nothing to worry about here.  The point that you have learnt something really interesting about the anatomy of the cockroach, doesn’t really get more than a passing thought.  But if you were more interested in the actual learning or (perhaps if it is a boring subject) why you are learning the subject and not so focussed on the grade you will receive at the end, then you will have increased your knowledge, NOT YOUR EGO.

Or perhaps you have started your own business and you decide to put on an event with the intention to get exposure, to show people what you do, convince people you are worth following.  This takes a lot of planning, time and effort and don’t get me wrong exposure is a good marketing tool, BUT if you decide to put yourself out there so you can nurture your creative side, allow your passion and imagination to shine, as well as firming up your skills and knowledge on the subject you are presenting then whatever happens with regards to attendees, followers, stalkers, exposure etc is A BONUS.

It is well worth a try next time you embark on something where you could very easily face both F words, by following the approach: Lose the expectation, enjoy and learn from the journey and whatever positive outcomes result from the action are purely a bonus.  Whether it be end of year exams, going for that new job or the next blog post you write, work with the “what am I learning from this exercise”, I guarantee it will be 100 times more rewarding than “what will I get from this exercise”.

And finally not only do you learn that it is about the experience and not the outcome, but from failure you also learn:

  • to be humble
  • to be compassionate
  • to be vulnerable
  • your limits
  • your capabilities
  • courage
  • your strengths
  • your weaknesses
  • what interests or inspires you and what doesn’t
  • to be flexible
  • to be open minded and
  • you learn more about who you are…


9 October 2013 – Life Favours the Brave

Tell me have you ever thought about what it is to have courage or to be brave ‘in life’?

A man wrestling a crocodile to save his dog – is brave, the US teacher who put herself in front of her class when the school was being attacked by a gunman – was brave.  Bravery is easy to recognise in one off events of pure courage, however being brave or having courage in life, though slightly different, is just as significant.

Being brave or having courage in life means something different for everyone, it really depends on what you fear.  I fear public speaking – the mere thought of having to speak in front of an audience about myself, what I do, who I am or even how nutrients affect the life cycle of seagrass :) makes my hands perspire, my heart beat like an African drum and my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth so any intelligent sounds heard in the near vicinity are certainly not coming from me.  It doesn’t matter how I think of the audience – as being naked or a patch of cabbages – I need a brown paper bag just thinking about speaking to any more than 5 people at any one time (slight exaggeration but I am sure you get my point).  And forget the questions – that is absolutely the end!!

I know I am not alone, even the most “seemingly” confident people feel distressed when faced with an impending threat, a threat that is personal, can be real or imagined, is frequently well hidden and often battled alone.  My friend at work loves public speaking – she looks confused when I tell her of my dread when I need to give an address in the boardroom, she knows she has a story to tell and sees no difficulty in telling it BUT the mere thought of failure, of her getting something wrong, in any way shape or form sends her body into panic and her mind into a spin.

So when we face our own personal fears, for me attempting public speaking, for my friend, admitting she is wrong or has made a mistake, that is being brave in life, it is facing the fear, FEELING IT, taking a deep breath and then doing ‘whatever it is’, ANYWAY.

Makes sense, but why bother, I hear you ask.  We all know what it is to feel fear, we have all felt it at one time or another, but there aren’t too many of us (except the odd base jumper) who like it enough to want to go there.  So why then should we put ourselves in distressing situations just so we conquer, or at least temper our fears?  Why can’t we just behave in the way inherent to human nature when faced with a situation that makes us feel discomfort and avoid, duck, dodge and weave…

In reality, for the most part, we can very easily survive and do whatever it takes to avoid our fears leading an average, comfortable life doing a job because it pays our wage once a month so we can play on the weekends, consider anyone who rubs us up the wrong way as them having the problem not us, staying in relationships because it’s easier that way or staying single because it is too much work to put ourselves out there.

I actually do think it is ok to avoid suffering, I don’t believe that we should think of life as being hard, or that we should make life hard for ourselves, I see this as pointless.  I don’t believe in self punishment or that anything was ever achieved by the monks whipping themselves.  But what I do believe, is that limiting ourselves in life is making life hard and that it is a form of self punishment…

Lets go back to my example of public speaking.  It is my dream to develop Left of Centre Therapies into a full time business, inspiring others to embark on the journey of healing and to be able to live juicy lives unlimited by negative perception or past experience.  This is fine, the therapy sessions are one on one but there is going to be a time (actually right now) where I need to nail telling my story to groups of people so I can inspire them to join the healing journey too.  I want to expand, get bigger, tell my story some more, be more and not be limited simply because I suck at presenting myself publically.

In fact I am absolutely sure that anyone following their dreams, will be presented with uncomfortable situations and at those very points in time they will need to make a choice, face them or risk restricting growth.

Put in a more visual way, I stood overlooking a very, wild and stormy ocean the other day and noticedStormy sea just a couple of rays of sun poking through the grey sky onto the waves – the word that sprang to mind was bravery – no I don’t mean that I was brave being down at the ocean in the middle of a storm, but that bravery was depicted by the sun’s rays shining on a little patch of ocean, illuminating it, filling it with warmth and light, while the surrounding sea remained dark.  When we are brave, when we face our fears, we light up an area of our life that has been previously kept in the dark and give it a chance to be filled with warmth and light.  When we are brave we light up our lives while others around us remain in the dark – and life favours the brave.

Having the courage to open up and shed light on our fears, is to realise that while they may never totally disappear, we can be the master of things that are trying to enslave us.


So make a start – look at problems as opportunities, I have an opportunity now to get some help with my fear through attending a public speaking course.  Its exciting and confidence building to think I may in time be able to handle situations that I would, at the moment, shy away from as well as the chance of meeting and learning from people who are in the same situation as me.

Share your dreams and visions with others and learn to admit your fears too, showing vulnerability is both therapeutic (except in the case of the man wrestling the crocodile), and relationship building.  Open communication enables you to attract like minded people and a chance to learn from their experiences and their coping mechanisms too.

Hang out with others around you who lead courageous lives, see these people as your “courage people”, spend time with them to help inspire you to get through the rough patches and not give up.

Aspire to BE and believe in yourself as part of your own ‘bigger picture’ destiny.  Having aspiration helps to fuel perseverance, persistence and determination.

Ignore any flak you may get in your journey, accept that some people will try to influence you, and many will not understand you.   Never compromise yourself by trying to influence these people or force your ideas onto them.  Stand on your own if you have to.

And finally, in these days of the internet and facebook there is never ending stream of advice and motivational quotes, so notice those which speak of bravery and be inspired…

Winston S. Churchill: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Nelson Mandela: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

Ambrose Redmoon: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

“The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all”

16 July 2013 – Naked Tuesday

It all started with sitting so innocently on the couch the other day (fully clothed) watching Adam Hills Tonight when the camera swung around and Adam introduced – Craig Coombes.  Craig was in the audience to fulfil one of the requests on his bucket list – to meet Adam Hills.  Craig is actively working on his bucket list, because he has terminal cancer.

The other thing that Craig does is spend a lot of time being Naked.  He has inspired the website Naked Tuesday and as this website says, once you stumble across Naked Tuesday, you won’t look at life the same ever again!

TuesdayNaked Tuesday came about when Craig starting posting pictures of himself in 2012, to show that he, and his family are OK with who he is – warts, other bits and all.  His philosophy is get out of your comfort zone, have a crack, and give it a go but while Craig is terminally ill, his message is not to wait until you are presented with a really, really bad situation, but “make the rest of your life, the BEST of your life” from today.

make the rest of your life, the BEST of your life

There is a public gallery and a weekly challenge and so people can send in their own happy snaps. Not surprisingly there are substantially more pictures of men than women, but the women who have bared all for this ever so good cause, show us true courage and acceptance of the normal wobbly bits and what it looks like to be a gorgeous, naked woman.

There is even a ‘Craig’s wall of fame’, however so far I think Adam Hills is the only one showing any flesh.  The wall of fame is linked to Craig’s bucket list and it shows just how much an act of courage can open up life.  Craig’s face, and possibly other bits too, are being recognized around town so that on a recent trip to the zoo someone stopped him so they could get a naked pic with him, then and there.

So while the concept of the site is enough to put a little perspective in your day, the comedy of the site is also worth a google search, though I wouldn’t want to be on the other side of the pic of the man on the trampoline…

Naked Tuesday is yet another example of someone so courageous laughing in the face of adversity.  Yet another example of a beautiful human spirit sent to teach us, the ones who complain about working too hard or another rainy day (clearly no-one from Perth) the real meaning of life.

Hats and clothes off to you Craig – and so I did, on the couch all by myself.  I hope one day to have such courage :)