Tag Archives: control

31 July 2013 – Control Freak

Change is the name of the game in 2013, as is facing our fears.  Many people love change, the feeling of freshness, the new breeze that sweeps through and clears out the old.  However, I am sure I speak for just about everyone when I say that even when it is positive, there is an element of fear associated with change.  That fear comes from our inner control freaks as we seek to direct what happens next to ensure future stability, control the unknown and avoid suffering.

ControlBut what if one of our life lessons was to approach change by relinquishing control and jumping into an empty void, in total faith that all will be well, that all is as it should be. 

What happens if we take the road less travelled and let life guide us in the direction that IT chooses?  Well I think, no I am sure, that this is a lesson I have been asked to learn recently…

For the last 5 or 6 years I have had a notion in my head that I would move house so that my children could go to a specific highschool (anyone with children would know that school zoning is a complete nightmare).  I was sure that particular highschool was going to be the best for them and there really wasn’t anyone who was going to convince me otherwise.  I had even stopped short of making some very needed alterations to my current house because I had a grander plan.

Then suddenly, much earlier than I expected, it was time to move.  And of course I set off with a rigid plan to get done what needed to get done.  And trust me I was RIGID.

Then came the first lesson, from the best house ever.  It got the 10 out of 10 from everyone who saw it, the kids chose their rooms and there was even a picture of a cat the same as ours on the wall.  But it was 50m out of the set school zone!!!  And from there things went down hill, lots spanners were thrown in the works, seriously unexpected issues arose and the whole process of change of abode got bigger and bigger.   There were signs that this whole exercise needed broader consideration beyond my 5 year old plan.  I had to let go and get a new plan as the many stumbling blocks screamed ‘this is not the best way’.

I would love to say I was graceful in getting to this point, but to be honest it felt like a band aid had been ripped off and consequently there were quite a few quiet tantrums thrown before I could let go of my preconceived ideas.  And unfortunately this didn’t just happen once… it took a couple of talking to myself, mind broadening sessions before I stumbled across the perfect house in an amazing location, zoned for a completely different but equally amazing school, satisfying all the external unexpected criteria and best of all it came with a whole lifestyle change.

From there within a week I had sold my house and bought this new perfect one.  Things are still progressing so there could be plenty more spanners thrown in the works before the end, but the pace and ease with which everything occurred once I had removed the blinkers, was astounding.  What can I say – it was meant to happen.

Planning and controlling events and other people to within an inch of their lives is a common human response to a fear that life might just not happen the way we want it to.  But what if it could be even better.  Relinquishing control and allowing life to guide us, is a more spiritual response to change and therefore, although difficult, is also very rewarding.  Embracing change without control opens up unimaginable opportunities, brings adventure and enables an open-minded approach to life.

Conversely the desire to control leads to narrow thinking, limited opportunities and blinkered imagination as well as having an affect on our bodies in the form of arthritis in our hands as we try to hold that control and anxiety and knots in our stomach and shoulders as we carry the burdens of life.

From my own experience, and trust me buying and selling houses is no small feat, I have seen the possibilities in being guided by faith, faith that every stumbling block is asking for a change of perspective, a broadening of approach.  When something appears difficult or events do not go according to plan, faith that there is a bigger reason, as there is a bigger reason for every failed experience, every delay, every disappointment.

Everything happens for a reason and because of that to relinquish control is really our only option.

And speaking of everything happening for a reason – as I came to post this piece I saw my star sign for today which read – Challenge yourself to trust that the universe has a grand plan for you, and that this is all happening in divine order. What are you holding onto, anyway? Throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride of your life…


23 July 2013 – Living with Grace

The end of last year and the first 6 months of this year have been BIG, challenging, lightening speed pace and very testing at times.  So many times during this period I have responded to life’s hurdles feet first and with a gusto, bordering on aggressive, gung ho attitude.  I have sought to control with an iron fist when things haven’t gone my way or freaked out when faced with situations that have asked me to broaden or change my approach.  And while the clogs have turned slowly, I am now beginning to understand that I am being asked to change my approach, I am being asked to live my life with grace.

Grace is a way of being, a type of behaviour, an approach to life.   Grace is the aButterflybility to trust that everything is as it should be, the ability go with the flow, the ability to open your mind and heart to allow yourself to be lead in the direction of your highest good.  It is the ability to approach difficulties without freaking out or faltering when things do not go according to your plan.  It is the ability to act and live with patience.

Grace is not an outer quality, nor is it attributable to appearance, it is a deep sense of being, a peaceful sense of being.  One who acts with grace embraces all things complex but discards all things superfluous, so all things become simple. 

The African gazelle has grace, it moves with ease through the grass on the plains on which it lives and when faced by a stalking lion, runs like hell with focus and long, even strides.  It rarely falters, it cannot afford to falter, because if it falters, this means the end.

Just like the gazelle, making the decision to consciously live with grace allows for the movement through life (or grass) with ease.  Acting with grace and accepting and believing in the direction that life is encouraging you in, ensures that you do not falter, it enables you to become agile in your thinking, your movements reflect attentiveness and your thoughts sensitivity and consideration.

The opposite to life with grace, is life with struggle.  Struggle reflects a position of powerlessness and an increased focus on the desire to gain control.  It is the inability to accept life just as it is or with flexibility.  Life loses simplicity and a belief in struggle accommodates visions of hardship.  The desire to maintain control results in a life based on confrontation, criticism and resentment and becomes entrenched in negativity.

In my desire to approach life with Grace I vow to face difficulties with ease and an open mind, to gain the qualities of patience and harmony and to trust that life is as exactly as it should be.