Author Archives: Fiona Ferreira

10 September 2013 – The Freedom of Forgiveness

Lets face it there are many people who will, throughout your life, do things to you that make you less than happy. Sometimes these people can actually hurt you so much that their mere presence on this earth impacts your well being and your emotions in extreme ways. At worst the sheer thought of them or mention of their name makes your blood boil, at best you avoid them like the plague.

There are certainly one or two people in my life that have been less than kind over the years and yes it has stretched into years. For the most part I have no trouble in forgiving misgivings, moving on from altercations or disagreements, but this has only been up to a certain point.

I mean there is a line that cannot be crossed and well if you are prepared to cross it – there are consequences!

So when I was told one day in a healing session that to move forward I was going to have to tread down the dreaded path of forgiveness, the resistance was swift and firm. Forget it, forgive them, why would I and if I did I would only appear weak, I would lose face, they did not deserve my kindness and besides if they got it they were only likely to abuse it.

But with a little gentle prodding, I started to see the reasoning behind it.

The prodding went something like this:

When you are angry at someone you hold them energetically in a certain space so that any dealings with them will spark the anger also held within that space. When you consider them to be lesser than you because of the deeds they have done, you also keep them in that space so that any interaction with them is destined to fail. When you are unkind to them, try to get the better of them or believe they are trying to get the better of you, then you hold yourself in that space so that your behaviour is generally no better than theirs.

Conversely to forgive someone for their wrong doings toward you means you no longer hold them within any space. To forgive means you are free to have ‘normal’ interactions with them. Forgiveness breaks the cycle and allows the potential for the person to change their approach toward you. In forgiveness the chains that held the two of you together disappear as you treat the person with the same respect and kindness as you would any other, so that they become like any other. There is nothing special about them, about your dealings with them and therefore no hold one way or another between the two of you.

After a lot of thought and a realisation that what was currently happening really wasn’t working, I decided forgiveness may be worth a try.

My approach started with a little mantra whenever I dealt with or thought about the person, ‘I do not hate you, I do not hate you’… This was then followed by a resolve to be kind. I would make a conscious effort to show the same kindness that I would normally show to any other person and I was determined to maintain a normal relationship, to let go of the feelings of one upmanship or that I was better than they are.

So how am I going?

Well so far so good, it did take some practice but now I love the way that if they call it no longer causes me to feel anxious, I love the way that when I see them I can smile be pleasant and kind without conviction, I love the way there is a more open nature to our relationship, and most of all I love that the feeling that they may be getting the better of me, has gone. With the better communication any issues tend to be aired in their infancy before they get to be big.

Oh and PS I also had to do some work on just accepting the person as they are.

But in effect the forgiveness has brought me freedom…

As the song goes…

All we have to do now
Is take these lies and make them true somehow
All we have to see
Is that I don’t belong to you
And you don’t belong to me
Yeah Yeah Freedom, freedom, freedom
You’ve gotta give for what you take….

6 September 2013 – The Parent Role Model

At the age of 8, like every little girl, I decided I was going to be the best mother ever. Besides the mother who never served vegetables or fish at dinner time, I would have no bedtime curfew and would be the compassionate and respectful mother who listened to her children’s voice (I think I actually used the words “nice” and “not mean”).

Reliving this memory some time ago, I began to consciously consider the different ways in which people parent, in order to reflect on the way I parent. I started by reading books, watching other people and thinking about how I was parented.

I am not going to surprise anyone here by saying there are so many aspects to parenting and so many more differences of opinion on the best way to parent, from ‘attached’ parenting to the ‘you must do exactly as I say’ parenting. However, one aspect that made so much sense, that resonated with me and gave me something tangible to work with, was the Parent Role Model.

It is well known and documented that children will adopt many of their parent’s values and types of behaviour, just as those parents have been influenced by their own parents. So it is logical to expect that one of the most effective ways to parent is to become conscious of your own behaviour.

Children mimic what they see. Mimicry is part of how children master certain skills. If your child sees you doing something or acting a certain way, they are bound to try to do the same. M Scott Peck uses the example: If a father beats up a mother regularly, what sense does it make to a boy when his mother beats him up because he beats up his sister? Does it make sense when he is told that he must learn to control his temper?

I don’t know about you but I certainly grew up with the concept that you must respect your elders, no matter what. A concept I still believe in, partly – all except for the ‘no matter what.’ I consider the ‘elder’ also needs to behave in a respectful way to others including the child, in order to gain the respect of others, including the child. If we do not behave in a courteous way to our children or each other, should we be surprised that once our children get a voice they throw back at us our own misgivings. Grumpy Child

Without being conscious of our own behaviour, as parents much of the time our message becomes ‘do as I say, but not do as I do’ – so we are in fact telling a child that it is ok for adults/parents to behave in a certain way, just not for children to do so.

So how then are they supposed to act? Confused? I bet they are!

It seems to me that in general what we are really asking/expecting from our children, as parents/adults is to behave in a reasonable manner, in effect we are asking them to practice SELF DISCIPLINE.

Aha and so the penny drops, if we ourselves act with self-discipline, then we will create the best environment for our children to develop their own self-discipline.

So, the moral of the story is that if we want or dream of our children growing up to be great people with self discipline as well as respect, courage and determination then we must act with these attributes too. ..

4 September 2013 – Patience

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a piece on relinquishing control and letting life guide. For an ex ‘Control Freak’ acceptance of the flow of life wasn’t easy but it came with its own rewards of peace, open mindedness and experience etc. However in this process I have found that it is one thing to consent and be guided by life but to succumb to life’s pace is a whole ‘nother story.

In effect I have found that while yes there is a Divine Plan, this plan happens at a divine pace and not a Fiona pace.

It is clear the next step, the next lesson in the sequence of learning to live in sync with the Universe is to Learn Patience. I am sure I am not alone in saying that once a decision is made or an event set in motion and even when you have followed the signs and guidance, sometimes in absolute blind faith, it can seem to take an extraordinarily long time to get to the end point, where change is fully realised or the good part comes into fruition.

Worse still I am a number 5 = The number 5 is the most dynamic and energetic of all the single-digit numbers in numerology, it is unpredictable, always in motion and constantly in need of change, so the term patience to a number 5 is like a 4 letter word.

But when you think about it, what is the alternative? Impatience?

Impatience is a characteristic that denotes restlessness and intolerance, by being impatient there is a preoccupation with the future, an inability to endure delay or opposition, heightened intolerance and anxiety. Impatience makes you demanding, encourages you to become controlling and respond to your circumstances with arrogance, it demonstrates a desire to manipulate your reality, a lack of faith and hinders growth.

So really the choice is easy. But what is the Universe saying when it speaks of patience…

“journey, journey, journey” it is the journey that counts.

Ill give you an example. A couple of years ago I was in a job that I desperately wanted to move on from. It was toxic and definitely going nowhere. So I applied for new jobs and more new jobs always being driven forward by the end result of escape. But relief did not come. I became disheartened, obsessive and compulsive – toys got thrown – why wasn’t this working???

Eventually after close to a year of looking I found my current role being both a step up in responsibility and pay. On reflecting back on that time, I wondered why it took so long, why was it necessary that I go through all that pain and what did I need to learn from my experience (particularly because I didn’t want to go through that again)?

I came to the realisation that I was so focussed on the end result, so preoccupied with the ‘escape’ that I lost all enjoyment in my day to day life, my impatience made me intolerant, agitated and restless. But as I was studying at the time, it was my day to day experiences that gave me the skills, experience and knowledge to be successful in my new role.

So in effect indulging in my impatient behaviour made my journey so much harder than it needed to be, I did not see the value in the present.

So to approach life with patience enables a gentle, receptive attitude to creating your reality and with a faith in the outcome that determines your experiences. Everything we do/experience has due process so that if we patiently let that process develop, with gentle perseverance and quiet determination, then our experience, our journey, naturally becomes more enjoyable and

ensures we gain the benefit of valuable insight learned from living in the moment.

Patience is delaying gratification, gaining the knowledge we need from the present and allowing rewards to come later. It is the spiritual path taken in difficult times.

So with this 4 letter word back in my vocabulary I plan to focus on the journey and ensure I learn from my experiences in a patient kind of way.

16 August 2013 – Criticsm : Friend or Foe

I had a day recently where I forgot to send my daughter’s recorder with her to school, was the victim of road rage thankfully within the confines of my car and his car, couldn’t provide the report my boss wanted at work, threw away most of the school lunches which the kids had refused to eat and had a visit from a friend who told me I was obsessing too much over something and it was getting boring.

So all in all it was a normal day, but a day full of criticism. If I wasn’t criticising myself, someone else was stepping in and doing it for me.

So what do I do with all this criticism, how much does the constant bombardment of “you are doing the wrong thing” become the “you are not good enough”. I mean really I could have paid more attention to the road while I was driving. Does this mean I am a bad mother, driver, employee, cook and friend?… am I likely to have a road accident before long, not be able to hold down a relationship, soon be looking on SEEK for my next career move?

Well constructively taken, yes I could definitely tweak some of those areas.

HOWEVER, how constructively we take that criticism depends on the value we attribute to our sense of self worth. Isn’t it strange how well we take criticism in some areas of our lives and how badly we take it in others. If we have the sense that “I am not worthy” then criticism is going to fuel the poor me or defensiveness and anger at the least and at the worst, lead to unrealistically high standards and the criticism of others to help us feel better about ourselves.

So herein lies the secret, where you are hypersensitive to criticism, whether it be aggressive or a passing comment from a friend (who is now an annoying friend!) or you find yourself criticising others, is where you need to focus.

Chances are you were criticised or humiliated some time in your life and therefore learned all on your own that you were not good enough at that thing that someone is picking on you or you are picking on someone, for now.

What you need here is: PERSPECTIVE! Do you in fact do a reasonable job at the subject in question, do you 90% of the time send the kids to school with the 101 things they need to complete a single day of learning (including a well thought out, healthy lunch), drive on the correct side of the road and generally follow the road rules, provide your boss with what they need most of the time to get the job done and listen to your friend tell you about the 101 issues in her life.

And if you don’t, then be honest with yourself and do something about it.

The crux of the matter here is:

Don’t decide you are not good enough because someone else made you feel that way. Don’t base decisions on passing emotions.

Get perspective, know your qualities, value yourself on who you are and what you have achieved.

Release the emotion and then make a mature judgement, take the criticism move it around in your head for a bit, do you need to tweak something here, improve something there. So learn/improve away… but do not define yourself or your self worth on someone else’s opinion (especially as that person is very likely to need to take their own criticism) think again – YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE.

And last but not least for those who know they do it

GUIDE – Don’t Criticise

9 August 2013 – Smudging the Unsavouries

In line with this week’s theme of exploring energy healing techniques, below is a brief description of Smudging, a tool used to remove unsavoury energies.

Smudging or the burning of herbs, is a traditional, native American Indian practice which was used for the purification of sacred spaces prior to spiritual ceremonies. Each tribe would have one or more healers or spirit communicators who would perform the smudging ritual to drive out any evil spirits and to keep Gan’n (negative entities) away from areas where ceremonies were held. The smoke produced from the burning of the herbs attaches itself to negative energy and as it clears it takes the negative energy with it.

The most common herb burned in the smudging practice was White Sage (also known as Sacred Sage). Considered to be a herb of wisdom and longevity, the leaves of white sage were also widely used as a cleansing herb to purify the mind and body and were carried in charm bags to ensure personal and spiritual safety.

Today, the burning of this magic little herb is widely used to remove negative energies from places, people or objects. People smudge their homes or work spaces to get rid of any tenacious nasties, or cleanse crystals, their black cats or grumpy significant others of any lingering, negativity. Healers burn white sage to cleanse their healing rooms prior to and where needed in session to rid the client of any negative energy that they have picked up from other people and I can contest that this is amazingly effective.

Making and burning your own Smudge sticks

You can easily buy smudge sticks, but its much more fun to make your own. And its simple to do, you can use:

Scissors
Cotton string
Plants such as sage, rosemary, lavendar

Cut off pieces of the plants in lengths about 15cm long. Cut a length of string about 1.5m long. Put several branches together so that the cut ends are together and the leafy ends are together. Leaving about 5cm of loose string at the bottom, wind it tightly around the stem of the bundle.

Then wind the string up the bundle in a circular pattern until you reach the top. Feed the string back down to the stems creating a criss-cross pattern and capturing all of the stray leaves. The string should be wound firmly so that nothing gets loose, but not so tight that it cuts off pieces of the plants.

When you get back to the stems, tie the remainder of the string to the loose piece you left at the beginning to complete your bundle. Trim off any excess leafy pieces so that the ends of your smudge stick are even.

Hang up the smudge stick for drying. Depending on what type of herb you used, and how humid your weather is, it may take a couple of days to a couple of weeks to totally dry out. When your sticks are dry, you can burn them in ritual for smudging by lighting the leafy end.

How to use your smudge stick

Light a candle and hold the leafy end of the stick over the flame until it is alight. Take the smoking stick around a room or over a person with the intent to remove any negativity. If you are clearing a room you may take a little longer in the corners as this can be where energy accumulates.

A feather can be used to help dissipate the smoke, in which case the smoking smudge stick should be placed in a bowl and the smoke swept in the appropriate direction accordingly.

HAPPY SMOKING

6 August 2013 – Sound Therapy

After a week of sickness brought on by two long standing issues that are well overdue to be removed from my back pack I was excited to be going to Echoes Sound Therapy session on Sunday. I had no idea what to expect. The little sound therapy work I had done with mantra had invoked a wonderful sense of calm, so I knew I was in for some deep relaxation in the very least.

I did however have the hope that the session would also be a healing one so I could get some clarity on, yes the big ones – forgiveness and money – which had shown up in the form of a sore throat (anger) and serious sinus congestion (someone getting up my nose).

The sound chamber at Echoes which looked like a tepee, was located on a sacred Aboriginal site within the gorgeous grounds of Ramons Restaurant in Canning Vale. Inside the chamber there were thirteen bed like positions made cosy with pillows and cushions and a massive gong suspended from the roof. The roof itself was quite spectacular, it looked like the night sky in Albany – full of the brightest stars.

The session started with circular breathing and before long we were treated to the sounds of gongs, crystal bowls and didgeridoos sometimes in the centre of the tepee, sometimes over our individual bodies or at our feet. The sound was incredibly strong and the vibration resonated through our entire bodies.

Science has found that sound has a profound effect on the body and sound therapy is the subject of many studies at various Universities worldwide. Our bodies are made up of energy fields that vibrate and the use of sound vibration to rebalance these energy fields is actually nothing new, ancient cultures have for thousands of years used sound and vibration to cleanse energies in the body. The use of singing bowls dates back to the days of Cleopatra. The didgeridoo has been used for both ceremonial and medicinal purposes for tens of thousands of years and other indigenous cultures have used drums, gongs and other vibratory instruments to this purpose.

And because of its proven healing effects, Echoes Sound Therapy has now been Accredited as a Complimentary Medicine.

The sound chamber creates an environment for sound therapy to be used as a catalyst for physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual healing, depending on the attendee’s intent. A person’s intent to heal during a therapy session adds power, so that the clearer or purer the intent to attain peace, healing, change, or growth, the greater the result.

My intent on Sunday was to not only gain physical healing through the sound vibrations but to also allow my inner psyche, in the state of meditation, to reveal answers on my issues above.

And yes, I had very profound experience.

My focus for the week prior had been on forgiveness and money, so I was surprised when the session started, that I immediately sensed a strong feeling of failure AND FEAR. I saw the faces of my parents and my children, of the people I would let down if I was to fail. If I could not provide the right type of parenting or the right financial environment to support my children as my parents had done, I would be a failure. Of course at this point there were floods of tears.

My first thought was of escape and so I saw myself as a bird flying with great speed using breaststroke wings to get maximum push upward. I flew upwards and upwards, through mud until I came to a space. It was a tranquil space, a space of nothing.

I looked around and very quickly realised I had escaped, I had run away.

I looked down at what I had escaped from and realised that everything that was important in my life had been left behind. Everything that felt like hard work but that I truly cared about, was back on earth and I was no longer there. Looking down from above I missed my burdens, the people I could fail, the things I could fail at. So I took off and flew back through the mud, back to earth.

Lying there and letting the sound vibration massage my body cells (that’s really what it feels like) I realised that the key issues of money and forgiveness were also intertwined with a previously hidden fear of failure.

So from my sound therapy session I can say I am a little closer to understanding myself, my current issues and limitations and the start of the healing process has begun…

I wonder what my next sound therapy session will bring?

31 July 2013 – Control Freak

Change is the name of the game in 2013, as is facing our fears. Many people love change, the feeling of freshness, the new breeze that sweeps through and clears out the old. However, I am sure I speak for just about everyone when I say that even when it is positive, there is an element of fear associated with change. That fear comes from our inner control freaks as we seek to direct what happens next to ensure future stability, control the unknown and avoid suffering.

But what if one of our life lessons was to approach change by relinquishing control and jumping into an empty void, in total faith that all will be well, that all is as it should be.

What happens if we take the road less travelled and let life guide us in the direction that IT chooses? Well I think, no I am sure, that this is a lesson I have been asked to learn recently…

For the last 5 or 6 years I have had a notion in my head that I would move house so that my children could go to a specific highschool (anyone with children would know that school zoning is a complete nightmare). I was sure that particular highschool was going to be the best for them and there really wasn’t anyone who was going to convince me otherwise. I had even stopped short of making some very needed alterations to my current house because I had a grander plan.

Then suddenly, much earlier than I expected, it was time to move. And of course I set off with a rigid plan to get done what needed to get done. And trust me I was RIGID.

Then came the first lesson, from the best house ever. It got the 10 out of 10 from everyone who saw it, the kids chose their rooms and there was even a picture of a cat the same as ours on the wall. But it was 50m out of the set school zone!!! And from there things went down hill, lots spanners were thrown in the works, seriously unexpected issues arose and the whole process of change of abode got bigger and bigger. There were signs that this whole exercise needed broader consideration beyond my 5 year old plan. I had to let go and get a new plan as the many stumbling blocks screamed ‘this is not the best way’.

I would love to say I was graceful in getting to this point, but to be honest it felt like a band aid had been ripped off and consequently there were quite a few quiet tantrums thrown before I could let go of my preconceived ideas. And unfortunately this didn’t just happen once… it took a couple of talking to myself, mind broadening sessions before I stumbled across the perfect house in an amazing location, zoned for a completely different but equally amazing school, satisfying all the external unexpected criteria and best of all it came with a whole lifestyle change.

From there within a week I had sold my house and bought this new perfect one. Things are still progressing so there could be plenty more spanners thrown in the works before the end, but the pace and ease with which everything occurred once I had removed the blinkers, was astounding. What can I say – it was meant to happen.

Planning and controlling events and other people to within an inch of their lives is a common human response to a fear that life might just not happen the way we want it to. But what if it could be even better. Relinquishing control and allowing life to guide us, is a more spiritual response to change and therefore, although difficult, is also very rewarding. Embracing change without control opens up unimaginable opportunities, brings adventure and enables an open-minded approach to life.

Conversely the desire to control leads to narrow thinking, limited opportunities and blinkered imagination as well as having an affect on our bodies in the form of arthritis in our hands as we try to hold that control and anxiety and knots in our stomach and shoulders as we carry the burdens of life.

From my own experience, and trust me buying and selling houses is no small feat, I have seen the possibilities in being guided by faith, faith that every stumbling block is asking for a change of perspective, a broadening of approach. When something appears difficult or events do not go according to plan, faith that there is a bigger reason, as there is a bigger reason for every failed experience, every delay, every disappointment.

Everything happens for a reason and because of that to relinquish control is really our only option.

And speaking of everything happening for a reason – as I came to post this piece I saw my star sign for today which read – Challenge yourself to trust that the universe has a grand plan for you, and that this is all happening in divine order. What are you holding onto, anyway? Throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride of your life…

27 July 2013 – Living with Generosity

Are you generous? This is a question I have asked myself recently and my answer was ‘only sometimes’. With wonderful friends and family who have serious generous streaks (I love the flowers I got out of the blue yesterday) that make me look like the Grinch at Christmas time, I thought it about time to tackle that question and maybe make some well intentioned changes.

So, as always, I started by defining generosity. Using the Wikipedia definition : generosity is the habit of giving without expecting anything in return. It can involve offering time, assets or talents to aid someone in need. Often equated with charity as a virtue, generosity is widely accepted in society as a desirable trait.

I decided I desired that trait.

In thinking about this concept though, I added the word “thoughtful” into my own definition of generosity, to further separate it from basic giving. Thoughtful giving involves consideration given to what the recipient may want or need to receive, as well as a focus on what the giver wants to give. For example, giving something that you may not like but that suits the other person’s style may make you cringe a little, but that’s being truly generous (for those that need to know – I don’t like carnations!).

So therefore it is my intention to be generous through the ‘act of thoughtful giving without expecting anything in return’.

This definition brings another important point to light, giving without expecting anything in return – otherwise known as unattached giving. Not an easy task for some particularly as there is the human element of manners. We have been taught as receivers’, the importance of manners and when something is done for us or given to us, we must say thank you. So in turn, as a giver we therefore expect to receive a thank you and alas we have breached the golden rule, an expectation has been created in return for our giving.

This thank you is an acknowledgement to the giver. But just how much of an acknowledgement is satisfactory, if for example you have spent considerable time and money on a gift, then a simple thanks may not be enough. This ‘human element’ of giving/receiving may well be appropriate in most circumstances, but be mindful that it does not add value to the spiritual value of generosity. It may even have a negative impact whereby if the perceived amount of acknowledgement for a gift is not received, i.e. if the receiver does not fulfill the giver’s expectations, it may make the giver in the future, think twice about being generous.

So to be truly generous, to truly give something of yourself to someone else, expect nothing in return, only the knowledge that you have made their lives that little bit easier or that little bit more enjoyable and in this knowledge you are rewarded for your generosity.

Sounds lovely doesn’t it, but why do we find the art of unattached giving so difficult. Perhaps it is a question of perception of abundance vs scarcity.

Living life in apparent abundance ensures you experience all that is, in all its glory. It is based on your own belief, your perception that your resources are unlimited, that at any point in time, you have all that you need.

Living life in apparent scarcity is a principal based on the belief that life is a struggle, that resources are limited and there is not enough to go around. Giving is harder to do and creates a need for acknowledgment of the sacrifice you have made for someone else. This is closely followed by feelings of resentment and self pity, envy, greed, jealousy and the need for control, a possessiveness and protectiveness associated with your assets and a life that feels incomplete.

If this is you, if any of this sounds like you, STOP RIGHT NOW, and ask yourself, do I have everything I need to live my life.

The secret is to truly believe and trust you have come this far with unlimited resources and that you have always been provided for.

And so for me, I resolve to be happy to contribute for love and in the knowledge this will bring joy to others. I resolve to give from a point of selflessness and give of myself which will in turn enrich my own life.

I do so in the knowledge that generosity on its own brings joy – and that money, possessions, possessiveness do not.

23 July 2013 – Living with Grace

The end of last year and the first 6 months of this year have been BIG, challenging, lightening speed pace and very testing at times. So many times during this period I have responded to life’s hurdles feet first and with a gusto, bordering on aggressive, gung ho attitude. I have sought to control with an iron fist when things haven’t gone my way or freaked out when faced with situations that have asked me to broaden or change my approach. And while the clogs have turned slowly, I am now beginning to understand that I am being asked to change my approach, I am being asked to live my life with grace.

Grace is a way of being, a type of behaviour, an approach to life. Grace is the ability to trust that everything is as it should be, the ability go with the flow, the ability to open your mind and heart to allow yourself to be lead in the direction of your highest good. It is the ability to approach difficulties without freaking out or faltering when things do not go according to your plan. It is the ability to act and live with patience.

Grace is not an outer quality, nor is it attributable to appearance, it is a deep sense of being, a peaceful sense of being. One who acts with grace embraces all things complex but discards all things superfluous, so all things become simple.

The African gazelle has grace, it moves with ease through the grass on the plains on which it lives and when faced by a stalking lion, runs like hell with focus and long, even strides. It rarely falters, it cannot afford to falter, because if it falters, this means the end.

Just like the gazelle, making the decision to consciously live with grace allows for the movement through life (or grass) with ease. Acting with grace and accepting and believing in the direction that life is encouraging you in, ensures that you do not falter, it enables you to become agile in your thinking, your movements reflect attentiveness and your thoughts sensitivity and consideration.

The opposite to life with grace, is life with struggle. Struggle reflects a position of powerlessness and an increased focus on the desire to gain control. It is the inability to accept life just as it is or with flexibility. Life loses simplicity and a belief in struggle accommodates visions of hardship. The desire to maintain control results in a life based on confrontation, criticism and resentment and becomes entrenched in negativity.

In my desire to approach life with Grace I vow to face difficulties with ease and an open mind, to gain the qualities of patience and harmony and to trust that life is as exactly as it should be.

20 July 2013 – Africa’s White Preacher

Machine Gun Preacher

A recent, lazy Saturday night watching movies introduced me to Joseph Kony, Sam Childers and the horrors of civil war in Africa (not a movie I would normally choose!). I had of course heard of Kony from the Stop Kony video in 2012, which told of grisly killings, child abductions and rapes allegedly committed by Kony’s Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) in central Africa. The LRA is classified a terrorist organization by the African Union and the United States and Machine Gun Preacher is a movie that follows the American Sam Childers who travels to Central Africa and experiences the atrocities of the LRA first hand.

The movie starts with a young Childers getting out of jail in America. He was all over the hard core, bad boy image having a love for motorbikes and the typical lifestyle of an outlaw biker which led to years of drug addiction, drug dealing, alcoholism and violence.

After a pretty nasty incident and with the help of a wife who had converted from stripping to Christianity, Childers himself finds God and becomes fully ingrained in a new life. While attending church he meets an African based preacher and decides himself to go to Africa. In that first trip and the many that followed, he witnesses LRA attacks on villages and rescues some of the boy soldiers who are abducted from those village raids.

With a building sense of compassion toward the orphans of the village raids and increasing anger toward the LRA and Kony, Childers decides to build a children’s orphanage village (The Children’s Village) in Southern Sudan, right within LRA territory. What a great bloke!

However, the thing that most struck me the most about this story, beside the grim reality of the harshness of life in Central Africa, was the personal approach that the movie took when portraying Childer’s crusade. Whether it was a hollywood angle or a real portrayal of the personal conflict that Childers felt, this white preacher in Africa was certainly a rough diamond. At one particular point in the movie, when faced with a hellova lot of brick walls and plenty of set backs you witness the obsessive side to Childers. His attempts at raising money and awareness for the orphanage back home in the US are thwarted and you see the cracks form from the pressure of being a “saviour” as he becomes destructive in his desire to do good. His aggression comes to the surface as he alienates his family, makes bad decisions that haunt him and begins to question his faith.

A story like this reminds you that life is not black and white and that although there are people out there with truly amazing human spirits, they are only human and there is always a personal side to any crusade that is undertaken in the name of goodness. There is always something within us that we have to satisfy for ourselves; for whatever good we do there is always a self fulfilling motivation that we need to keep in check.

For Sam this motivation was a new found sense of purpose. For all the good in Africa that Sam was achieving he was a success, he was a saviour and this helped him to release himself from his own bad deeds of the past. However unchecked this motivation as well as the compassion he felt for the children of Africa fuelled his rage and in consequent attempts to stop the atrocities he actively hunts and kills members of the LRA army, but in this action he kills the very boy soldiers he is trying to rescue.

And so the pressure builds. At height of this pressure and his rage, Childers is sent a message from God in the form of a little boy who he had help save from the LRA. The boy sits with Sam and tells him of how the soldiers had made him kill his mother in order to spare himself and his brother (you can certainly understand Childer’s anger). But even though the little boy had to do what the soldiers told him, he told Sam that he refused to be filled with hate, as to him this would mean that the enemy had won.

So because of this magic moment Childers came to a realisation. He had already done so much good. He had by this time saved many lives and given hope to so many more, therefore he had already succeeded and repaid his debts from the past. He had nothing more to prove and could continue his work with the sole motivation of providing safety to ‘his children’, free from his past and from the need to fill a gap, a motivation that was not serving him.

Sam Childers has continued to protect and provide hope to the children of Central Africa so that today the Children’s Village houses and educates over 300 orphans,with over a thousand children rescued since its conception.The staff at the Children’s Village are primarily Sudanese orphans and widows themselves. And Sam Childers with the help of his wife provides armed, secure orphanages in Sudan, Ethiopia and Uganda.

Just a word of warning though, if you decide to watch the Machine Gun Preacher make sure you have a box of tissues, a very, very, strong stomach and not a picture of Joseph Kony in sight.

Fiona's conscious living blog

Conscious Living